Course Catalog / BMU 101 / Lesson 1 of 7
BMU 101
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Day 1: Know What Drains You
Why this course: BMU 101 is for anyone who feels drained by other people's demands, online noise, or the habit of reacting first and regretting later. In seven short lessons you will build a one page Peace Plan you can use on a real Tuesday, not just a good day.
It is Thursday night. You did not do anything big this week, but you feel emptied out. Most of us cannot say where the energy went. Today you find the leaks, so you can decide what to fix first.
Start where you are: Before you read on, think about how you handle a draining week right now. Do you push through, vent, scroll, or shut down? Hold that answer. You will test it today.
In this lesson you will
- List the deposits and withdrawals that move your energy in one day
- Sort each drain as changeable or manageable
- Choose one changeable drain to work on this week
A common belief, checked
Many people believe: "I'm tired because I'm busy. Doing less is the only fix."
What actually helps: Busy is not always the problem. Unnoticed withdrawals are. Two people with the same schedule can feel very different, depending on what they let drain them. Measuring shows you what to change.
Key words
- Deposit
- Anything that leaves you with more energy than before, like rest or a good laugh.
- Withdrawal
- Anything that takes energy from you, like a group chat that never stops.
- Changeable drain
- A drain you have some control over, like how long you scroll.
- Manageable drain
- A drain you cannot remove right now, like a hard job, but can prepare for and recover from.
Your energy is a bank account
You cannot protect something you have never measured. Most people know they feel tired or short tempered by Friday. But they cannot say where the energy went.
Think of your peace like a bank account. Grandmama probably told you not to let everybody spend your money. Same goes for your energy.
Some things make deposits: rest, a good laugh, a walk, time with people who leave you lighter. Other things make withdrawals: a group chat that never stops, a coworker who vents for an hour, late night scrolling, a task you keep putting off.
Not every withdrawal is bad
Caring for people you love costs energy. That is a choice worth making. The problem is the withdrawals you never chose and never notice.
Two kinds of drains
| Type | What it means | Examples |
|---|---|---|
| Changeable | You have some control over it | Scrolling time, notifications, answering every message right away, saying yes when you mean no |
| Manageable | You cannot remove it now, but you can prepare and recover | A hard job, a family situation, a health issue |
The Peace Vault
This course uses a picture for this, called the Peace Vault. It has three rings.
- Inner ring: what feeds your soul. Rest, purpose, faith, your safest people. Full access.
- Middle ring: work, acquaintances, social duties. Limited access.
- Outer ring: the chaos zone. Social media noise, strangers, comment sections, news cycles. Watch from a distance.
One question guards the vault: Who or what am I letting closer than it deserves?
Being unbothered does not mean nothing affects you. It means you stop handing your energy to things that have not earned it.
Worked example: one day, sorted
- Write the day down. Deposits: a morning walk, lunch with a friend. Withdrawals: a tense shift at work, a group chat that buzzed all evening, scrolling until midnight.
- Sort each withdrawal. The tense shift is manageable. The group chat and the scrolling are changeable.
- Look for repeats. The group chat showed up three times. It also made the scrolling worse, because each buzz pulled the phone back out.
- Choose. The focus for the week is muting the group chat after 8 p.m. One change, aimed at the drain that shows up most.
Common mistakes
- Trying to fix everything at once. Fix: Pick one changeable drain. Small wins build the habit.
- Calling a manageable drain your fault. Fix: You may not control a hard job. You can control how you prepare and recover.
- Guessing instead of writing it down. Fix: Track for a full day. Memory makes the loudest drain look like the biggest one.
Try it: The 24 hour energy audit
Pick one to work on:
- Track a workday
- Track a day off
- Track the day that usually wears you out most
Support level: Full support. Follow the steps as written and use the example above as your model.
- Draw two columns on paper: Deposits and Withdrawals.
- For the next 24 hours, jot down anything that clearly lifted or lowered your energy.
- Next to each withdrawal, write C for changeable or M for manageable.
- Circle the one changeable drain that shows up most often. That is your focus this week.
Do it by: the end of tomorrow
Use: the free Bothered-o-Meter if you want a quick score first.
Reflect
Check your understanding
1. Which of these is a changeable drain?
- A. A hard job you cannot leave this year
- B. How long you scroll before bed
- C. A family member's health issue
See the answer to question 1
The best answer is B: How long you scroll before bed
- A: Not quite. That one is manageable. You can prepare and recover, but not remove it now. To improve: reread Two kinds of drains, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
- B: Correct. You have control over this one.
- C: Not quite. That is manageable, not changeable. To improve: reread Two kinds of drains, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
2. Your sister calls every night to vent for an hour, and you hang up drained. You love her. What is the best first step from this lesson?
- A. Stop answering her calls
- B. Write it down as a withdrawal, mark it C, and see how often it shows up
- C. Ignore it because family is always worth it
See the answer to question 2
The best answer is B: Write it down as a withdrawal, mark it C, and see how often it shows up
- A: Not quite. That may hurt someone you love, and the lesson does not ask you to cut people off. To improve: reread Your energy is a bank account, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
- B: Correct. Measuring comes first. Then you can choose a small change, like a shorter call.
- C: Not quite. Caring costs energy, but the lesson says notice the withdrawals you never chose. To improve: reread Not every withdrawal is bad, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
3. In the Peace Vault, where do comment sections belong?
- A. Inner ring
- B. Middle ring
- C. Outer ring
See the answer to question 3
The best answer is C: Outer ring
- A: Not quite. The inner ring is for what feeds your soul. To improve: reread The Peace Vault, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
- B: Not quite. The middle ring is for work and social duties. To improve: reread The Peace Vault, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
- C: Correct. The outer ring is the chaos zone. Watch it from a distance.
4. A friend says, "If you were really unbothered, your kid being sick would not get to you." Based on this lesson, what is the best reply?
- A. "You're right, I should not care so much."
- B. "Being unbothered means I stop giving energy to things that have not earned it. My kid has earned it."
- C. "I'll just avoid people until I feel better."
See the answer to question 4
The best answer is B: "Being unbothered means I stop giving energy to things that have not earned it. My kid has earned it."
- A: Not quite. The lesson says being unbothered does not mean nothing affects you. To improve: reread The Peace Vault, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
- B: Correct. This matches the lesson's definition.
- C: Not quite. Hiding is not the goal. To improve: reread The Peace Vault, then explain to yourself why the correct answer works.
Recap
- Your energy works like a bank account with deposits and withdrawals.
- Some drains are changeable. Others can only be managed.
- The Peace Vault asks who or what you are letting too close.
- Measure first. Then change one thing.
You now have: a one day energy audit and one changeable drain to work on.
Next up: Day 2 shows you how to pause before you react, so the drains you found today cost you less.
Sources
- Tools adapted from MM3, The 12 Laws of Being Unbothered & Happy. Used for its tools, not as evidence. Claims are checked against the sources below.
- American Psychological Association. Stress. apa.org/topics/stress
- Sonnentag and Fritz (2007). The Recovery Experience Questionnaire: Development and validation of a measure for assessing recuperation and unwinding from work. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology. doi.org/10.1037/1076-8998.12.3.204
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2024). About Social Connectedness. cdc.gov/social-connectedness/about